MA(ck) The Knife?

All this talk of tagging sharks has me really creeped out.

As an Aquarius, I ought to love the water. But the image of Great Whites leaping out of the pounding surf; sharp teeth gleaming with blood and bits of seal entrails, has me tangled up in fear and loathing.

(I know they haven't done that off Chatham yet; I'm just can't resist Discovery Channel and "Shark Week.")

Also, I've never gotten over the sight of Robert Shaw being consumed toes to head by "Bruce."

But let me assure you there is deeper political meaning to all this carnivorous fish activity.

They say "when sharks circle, there must be blood in the water." So let's think about what's happening right now in Massachusetts.

We've lost a revered (by most people) elected official in Edward Kennedy. And his nephew Joe has declined to run for the office. That means it's open season on the Senate seat with representatives and lawyers galore coming out of the woodwork. First Coakley, then Lynch, and Brown, now possibly Capuano. (Maybe even Curt Schilling, and his bloody sock is sure to attract other meat eaters!)

The sharks - and I refer to them as such beasts with love in my heart - sense the blood of the Kennedys in the water and are preparing to engulf and devour.

Over at the State House, things look fishy as well. He has a fine new hip, but Governor Deval Patrick's approval ratings are approaching the Marianas Trench. (Folks, that's the deepest part of the ocean!)

Carcharodon Carcharias and their toothy brethren have their sights on Patrick's office. Tied to people's perception of President Obama as much as he is, the Governor better hope the outcome of the health care reform debate leaves the Democrats singing "The Incredible Mr. Limpet" and not "Big Eyed Fish" by the Dave Matthews Band.

And speaking of health care: all over this nation, lobbyists for the insurance industry are salivating over tasty morsels of "we told you the Commonwealth Connector and health insurance mandates would be too expensive to sustain and would never hold up as models for national reform."

Of course, the hungry fish are not all of the right flipper variety. "People before profits" lefties from organizations across the state are banding together like schools of piranha to take bites out of such titanic whales as Deutsche Bank and Bank of America.

Hmmm, all of these fish tales are making me hungry. Now I just need to find some mercury free, organically raised, Massachusetts bay harvested, CSF approved, cod.

Or some supermarket-purchased, scroddy fish sticks. Politics has lowered my expectations, you know.